A Message From Presidential Candidate Dave Burge
As a candidate for the presidency of this great nation of ours, it has been my privilege to meet and hear the concerns of voters from across the political spectrum. If there's anything I've learned along the way it's this: whether they agree with you or not, the American people want candor and straight talk about the issues of the day. That's why I would like to take this opportunity to have an open conversation about the Gimp I have chained in my basement.
By now, many of you may have heard or read the sensationalized reports about my Gimp, and the alleged muffled screams my neighbors recorded coming from my basement window wells. I frankly have to tell you, in all candor, I was as surprised as you when I heard about these audiotapes because I do not recall being in the house on the various nights when these supposed screams occurred. In all honesty, I'm guessing it probably happened during my league bowling night, and my campaign staff will be happy to check through my score sheets to verify. Also, did I mention I am a very heavy sleeper?
There is much more healing of a nation going on over at Iowahawk.
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